Category Archives: Life

Adventures in the Screen Trade: A Personal View of Hollywood and Screenwriting by William Goldman

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William Goldman is a novelist who became a successful screenwriter in the 1960s. His best-known screenplays include Harper (the Paul Newman detective movie), Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, Marathon Man, All the President’s Men,  A Bridge Too Far and The Princess Bride. He wrote this book in 1982, partly as a memoir and partly as a guide to screenwriting. It’s a bit dated now, but it’s still a wonderful book for anyone who’s interested in how movies get made (and how many movies don’t). 

Goldman lists two key lessons for the novice screenwriter (the Roman numerals and capital letters are his):

I. NOBODY KNOWS ANYTHING (i.e. nobody in the movie business knows for sure what will work and what won’t)

II. SCREENWRITING IS STRUCTURE (i.e. there’s more to screenwriting than telling your story in the right sequence, but you’ll never write a good one if you don’t get the story’s structure right).

The biggest lesson I took away from the book, however, is that screenwriting is extremely frustrating. You can make a whole lot of money at it, if you’re very talented and/or very lucky, but you’ll spend most of your time writing scripts that never get made into movies, and when one of your scripts does get filmed, you won’t have any control over what the director, producers, actors, et al. do with it. Film making is a collaborative medium, but the screenwriter is rarely invited to collaborate after filming starts. It’s unlikely you’ll even be invited to a sneak preview.

Something to Keep in Mind When a Bomb Goes Off

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As long as there are religious fanatics who think it’s a good idea to blow themselves up in public places or otherwise kill as many innocent bystanders as possible, we shouldn’t be surprised when it happens in Europe or even in America. If you want complete protection from suicide bombers and their ilk, don’t go out in public. And if you do, avoid crowds. (While you’re at it, never, never get in a car, smoke, get drunk, eat fast food or keep a gun in the house.)

We should keep in mind, however, that these mass attacks on civilians happen a lot more often in places like Iraq and Pakistan than in Europe or the United States. While we all heard about the massacres in Brussels six days ago, three times as many people were murdered in Lahore and Baghdad this week.

On Friday, an ISIS suicide bomber killed 41 and injured more than 100 at a soccer stadium in Baghdad. Yesterday, a Taliban group that supports ISIS set off a bomb in a public park in Lahore, killing at least 70 people and injuring hundreds more.

We can always say these attacks don’t get as much attention in the West because they happen far away and they happen so often. Still, we should remember that the most frequent victims of radical, fundamentalist Islamic groups like ISIS and the Taliban are other Muslims. These fanatics aren’t waging war on the West so much as they’re waging war on the rest of the human race, and in particular on innocent Muslims who pose no danger to us or anyone else.

How (Not) To Use Google Maps

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Like it or not, a person sometimes has to visit IKEA. It can’t be avoided if you live in the modern world (unless you happen to live in New Zealand, a small country the Swedes are still looking for). It’s been years since I last roamed IKEA’s circuitous aisles, but there I was again today.

The last time I drove to our nearby IKEA was in the pre-smartphone era. Nearing my destination, I misinterpreted an oddly-placed highway sign and drove off in the wrong direction. That precipitated driving through a seemingly endless series of industrial parks and vacant lots in the vicinity of Newark’s airport. Not wanting to repeat that fiasco, I looked at Google Maps to find a safer route.

This is what Google Maps had to say about the best route through Newark to IKEA:

Drive from I-78 E to Newark. Take exit 57 from I-78 E.

Get on NJ-81 S in Elizabeth.

Continue on NJ-81 S to North Ave E. Take the North Ave East exit from NJ-81 S.

Continue on North Ave E. Drive to Ikea Dr.

I looked at the map, made a few notes and we were on our way. I’d considered letting my phone talk me through the trip, but why bother? Look at those directions! Besides, if we don’t use our brains to perform easy tasks, how will we be able to do hard things? (Although, scientifically speaking, I’m not sure there’s any connection.)

As you might expect, it wasn’t a smooth trip. The trouble started when I realized there were some variations on exit 57, such as 57-A and 57-B and north to this and south to that. The trouble soon got worse when there weren’t any signs directing me to NJ-81. There were plenty of signs with many, many destinations, but not one gave a hint about finding NJ-81.

Suffice it to say that we got to IKEA eventually, didn’t have to walk through the entire store and the trip home was uneventful. But I did think about sending Google some nicely-worded criticism. What good are instructions to get on NJ-81 if there aren’t any signs telling you where NJ-81 is?

Before giving  Google a piece of what’s left of my mind, however, I went back and looked at Google Maps’ directions, as well as the accompanying map. That’s when I decided to click on one of the little white dots scattered about on the road between I-78 and IKEA. Lo and behold! The little white dots bring up tiny windows with further instructions, such as:

Use the middle lane to keep left at the fork and follow signs for US-1 S/US-9 S.

Hey, that’s the kind of information I needed when I was trying to find IKEA!

Obviously, these little windows wouldn’t help anyone driving a car or printing out directions. That got me to click on a little gray “>” symbol next to one of the instructions I’d attempted to follow. Lo and behold again! Clicking on the “>” next to “Drive from I-78 E to Newark. Take exit 57 from I-78 E” revealed more detailed assistance:

Use the right lane to take exit 57 for New Jersey 21 N toward Newark Airport.

Use the middle lane to follow signs for Main Terminals/North Area/South Area.

Use the middle lane to keep left at the fork and follow signs for US-1 S/US-9 S.

In fact, clicking on the “>” next to “Get on NJ-81 S in Elizabeth” revealed an entire trip in itself:

Use the right lane to keep left.

Use the right lane to turn slightly right (signs for US-1 S/US-9 S).

Keep right.

Use the middle lane to keep left.

Continue straight.

Use the middle lane to take the ramp to NJ Turnpike/Interstate 95/Dowd Ave/North Ave/Elizabeth Seaport.

It’s certainly to Google’s credit that they provide such detailed directions and their directions almost always get you where you want to go. On the other hand, if I’d realized how challenging it is to get from, for example, I-78 to NJ-81 (my favorite instruction being “use the right lane to keep left”), I would have chosen a less interesting route.

In conclusion, therefore, I offer the following advice, which I should remember to follow myself:

  • When getting directions from Google Maps, click on the little “>” symbols in the list of directions or the little white dots on the map.
  • If the symbols or dots reveal a series of complicated instructions, look for a different route.
  • Turn on your damn phone when you don’t know where you’re going. Not wasting your brain power performing easy tasks will mean you’ll have more brain power for the hard things! (Although, scientifically speaking, that probably makes no sense at all.)
  • If that doesn’t work, shop online. 

A Modest Proposal Regarding the Flag of New Zealand (They’ll Thank Me)

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This has been New Zealand’s flag since 1902. It’s got the Union Jack in the upper left corner and the Southern Cross constellation to the right. It’s almost the same as Australia’s flag (Australia’s has six white stars instead of four red ones).

Flag_of_New_Zealand.svg (3)

Although most Kiwis (their national bird is the kiwi) think their flag is fine as it is, there’s been talk about changing it for years. Some would prefer that it not look so much like Australia’s. Some object to the Union Jack, arguing that it’s an anachronistic symbol of New Zealand’s colonial past.

Among the Kiwis who want to change the flag is John Key, the Prime Minister. In addition to getting rid of the Union Jack, he wants the new flag to include New Zealand’s quasi-official national symbol, a silver (or white) fern. 

So, after two long years of discussion and analysis, including the creation of a flag replacement commission, the country is now holding the second stage of a national referendum on whether to replace the flag. The choice is between the old flag above and one with a big white fern and some black in the upper left corner (black being one of New Zealand’s national colors): 

replacement

Opinion polls suggest that the old flag is going to easily win the referendum. That makes sense, since its proposed replacement has been compared to a beach towel.

Whichever flag wins, of course, a significant number of Kiwis are going to be unhappy. The majority will celebrate and the minority will lick their wounds. That’s where my modest proposal comes in.

When changing something that lots of people care about, it’s always a good idea to consider a relatively small change first. Maybe a small change will address whatever problem exists without upsetting the people who prefer the status quo. Thus, if the people where you work think the communal coffee is too bitter, you try to find coffee that’s less bitter. You don’t immediately replace the coffee with cranberry juice.

Now, since the principal objections to the current flag are that it looks too much like Australia’s, it includes a Union Jack and it doesn’t have a fern, why not simply replace the Union Jack with a similarly-colored fern? To wit:

New flag of NZ

This flag is clearly different from Australia’s, it replaces the Union Jack with a fern (but not an overwhelmingly large one) and it doesn’t mess with the existing colors. As William Mulholland famously said about the water he’d successfully delivered to Los Angeles, making a desert of the Owens Valley:

There it is. Take it!

Americans might not be able to compromise on anything, but there’s still hope for the Kiwis.

(Note: The compromise flag presented above was created in our WOCS Design Lab. Anyone who wants to use it for any purpose is completely free to do so, especially in New Zealand.) 

Physics: A Brief Psychological Note

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I brought the remains of a drink home last night. I tossed the ice cubes onto the street to melt.

This morning, the sun was rising and there were beautiful diamonds where the ice cubes had been. The sunlight passing through them made them glow.