Monogamy and Its (Dis)Contents

Monogamy is a short book by the English psychotherapist Adam Phillips. It contains 121 extremely brief chapters on what Phillips calls “the only serious philosophical question” for some of us (the fortunate or affluent). Phillips is given to exaggeration and paradox, but that’s o.k. 

Below are some of his observations on being monogamous, with occasionally flippant responses:

(39)  “If you’ve got nothing to hide, you’ve got nowhere to go. Which is one of the reasons why couples sometimes want to be totally honest with each other.”  Because they have nowhere else to go or don’t want anywhere else to go?

(62)  “It is no more possible to work at a relationship than it is to will an erection or arrange to have a dream.”  Yet doing something on purpose, like smiling, can sometimes make us happier.

(69)  “There is always someone else who would love me more, understand me better, make me feel more sexually alive. This is the best justification we have for monogamy — and infidelity.”  Since there will always be someone better, you might as well stop searching. Or not.

(75)  “From the child’s point of view, the mother is — as the father will soon be — a model of promiscuity. She has a thousand things to do. She knows other people.”  Yes, she was quite a disappointment that way!

(98)  “If we don’t choose monogamy, our fate will be isolation or the chaos of impersonality.”  Dying alone can be bad, even worse than the dying itself.

(111)  “Familiarity may increase our affection, our respect, even our time for other people, but it rarely increases our desire for them.” As the song says, how can I miss you if you won’t go away?

(115)  “One way of loving people is to acknowledge that they have desires which exclude us; that it is possible to love and desire more than one person at the same time. Everyone knows that this is true, and yet we don’t want the people we love to start believing it about themselves”.  It might be possible, but not everyone believes it is.

1 thought on “Monogamy and Its (Dis)Contents

  1. Hi ,
    Extramarital Affairs do not mean intend to cheat on wife over a maid or any status.
    Extramarital Affairs are designed and developed for Medical Purposes .
    It has nothing to do with Religion but completely linked with Utter Human Rights.
    It is used to measure the Mental Health Problems which mostly occur in Men, rarely in women.
    Women are created in such a way that she accepts the idea of being married and understand its importance. But man is created differently and that’s why most men reacted strangely when they are become very well established / no established. For instance, Ages ago , Adam came alone on Earth during that time never knows what Adam could hold of thoughts. He was descendent from Heaven for a divine purpose but Human mind capable of roaming freely in his / her dreams .When God realised that Adam is alone and feels no good , so God created Eve in accordance with his desire or dreams.

    For Instance, if a guy /boy who is single and have no courage,luck or mindset to get, win or approach a desired partner for marriage ,so he is allowed to make friendship with married woman or in other words , friends with benefit . Let me explain you ,the benefits does not mean taking advantage of money in return. In accordance with finding it means ” Sharing is Caring which is absolutely regardless of any Agreement or Greed .It is practised under the permission of Government who allows Special people ( Minor level , mostly Mentally Retardation, Depressed due to Hopeless, minor case of Schizophrenia or mixed ) to practise this exercise only on only physically attractive married women under the supervision or knowledge of Psychologist or Related Field Practitioners. A General Practitioner or Mental Health Doctors may also engage to undertake the responsibility of the Mental Patient for cure, privately but under the knowledge of Govt ( Medical and Social Department ). Only Medicines can not make the Mental Patient cured but often some other activities must also be included to prevent the Mental Patients from deep implications. Deep Implications mostly take place due to regular dose of Medicines and physical exercises which has also side effects. These Side effects are no good sign for Mental Patient and therefore it varies the Pattern of that Mental Patient from one form to addition another form. Physical Exercise is no doubt good but stresses he gets from exercises should has to be relieved.For that the Mental Patient do not have to feel under burden otherwise it may have 80% chances to form other kind of Mental disease . That’s why Psychiatric Doctors get amazed when Patient is healthy and when Patient gets worse in no time . Check and ask from any Psychiatric Doctors who may claim that she has completely cured or nearly cured the Mental Patient and he / she is taking no drug any more since.The Doctors will lie and try to cover up the stories and cases because he / she has licensed to experiment on us .This is a tried and tried practice and shall be Obselete / Obsolescence in future .That’s why Affinitive Aunt or Medical Practitioners plays an important role in becoming promiscuous playful muses to treat the Mental Patient softly and handle him with care.

    So there is a confusion in understanding the Concept of Extramarital Affairs which has nothing to do with Romance , Domestic Matters , Marital Matters or Religion Matters .It does exist but for such Mental Patient .

    Therefore , Families who undertake this sense of responsibilities may confront problems and troubles from society.

    TY .

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